Sight

The pull of the world, is strong, yes. 

 But my God is stronger. He places Himself as a “filter” within me - the truth - which is a bright lamp exposing the false pretenses of the world. 

 “Give yourself to pleasure, just live”, the world says and I must admit that I am enticed. It resonates with my curious nature in wanting to see everything, wanting to experience everything. The enemy tries to deceive me into believing, much like he deceived Eve: God doesn't want you to LIVE life - all His rules, His boundaries, His limits are meant to keep you from “living life to the fullest”. 

But the truth is, what the world paints as a pretty picture: is just that — paint that cracks under extreme weather, that loses its sheen over time — and underneath the mask of bright colours is nothing but cold, dead, concrete. 

There is no life outside Christ. There is only false beauty, false hope, instant gratification, temporary relief, nothing permanent or abiding. The only thing constant in a life outside Christ is the surety of despair. 

His commands are almost always difficult ones. His standards always seem so impossible and unattainable, because they are so far above, so far removed from the tremendously low bar sinful humanity has set for ourselves. 

The narrow path is a frightening one to take. But this “lamp” that guides my path, this “filter” that whispers in my ear “not this, my beloved” — it is within me because of His grace.
His tremendous, incomprehensible, limitless love for me which keeps me from falling. Which hoists me to live by His “standards” which I would otherwise never be able to reach on my own. The work of grace, His work on the Cross. Once I was blind, but now I see.

If to distant lands I scatter, if I sail to farthest seas
Would you find and firm and gather 'til I only dwell in Thee?

If I flee from greenest pastures, would you leave to look for me?
Forfeit glory to come after, 'Til I only dwell in Thee?

If my heart has one ambition, if my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision 'til I only dwell in Thee

All things new

It has been awhile. Over a year actually, and I am now blogging from Bangkok, Thailand.

I came here more than six months ago to work - I took on an editor's role, putting reporting on pause - and also because I desperately needed to get away, and the Lord knew.

So here I am, in my 7th month in Bangkok, trying to figure out how time flew by so quickly, and trying to figure out where to go next. I have been meaning to chronicle my time and experiences here, but I have been putting it off. In fact, in the past year (from my last post before this), I have been putting a lot off. I put my entire life on hold while I allowed myself to be distracted. Gave myself permission to take my eyes off painful reality, told myself that I deserved it, allowed myself to enjoy the euphoria of dancing dangerously close to the edge of a deadly cliff- and nearly fell to my destruction, if it hadn't been for One heroic act of catching me in time, scooping me up helpless and disorientated, and bringing me here to safety and recovery.

Anyway, all that is past, and here is where the future begins.

[I will endeavour to revive and revamp this blog, where I hope to (faithfully and continuously) record a story of endless unconditional Love, redemption and faithfulness.]

Once

Now playing: Falling Slowly, from "Once".
Which is strange, because I'm sitting here, looking at bits and pieces of the past which I stumbled upon by accident, to kill time with while I wait for the graveyard shift to end, and it's been making me nostalgic, when this song comes on and catches me off guard.
I didn't mean to rummage through these memories which I had tucked away safely in the unsealed cardboard box in the attic.
These are the pictures I chose for the most part of the year, to deliberately push out of my vision, because it's easier that way.
Why haven't I thrown them out completely? The pictures of us laughing till we couldn't breathe, the pictures of us talking about the things we knew and the things we didn't, like we had been spun from the same ball of yarn (we probably were),  the pictures of us crying at the airport because we knew it was the end. .
Maybe I'll change my mind about this one day - I don't think I'll ever be able to throw them out or burn them in a flame. They are treasures. A part of us. A part of me.

We were, for the longest time, a rhyme, a song. There were words that, when placed together neatly and carefully, could paint the portrait of us.
But we never got our portrait done. We just borrowed words from others. We couldn't have afforded our own anyway.

"Falling Slowly" was at that moment where we had told ourselves, "we still got time". We sure thought we did, and what we did was, we took that time and used it like it was it owed to us.
But the truth is, it was borrowed time.
I suppose somewhere inside we knew. That even if we were from that same ball of yarn, we were meant to be woven into different tapestries.
It's still hard to place a finger on it, to give a speech explaining it that, as they say, "hits the nail on the head", even now when it's been a year and the cloud has pretty much passed. The grieving done, and all the mourners have long wiped their tears off their faces.
I've since given up on trying to understand. "Just accept it and move on with your face ahead" has worked well and I've stuck to that. Faith, is what some of them call it. Although during my most cynical of days I think that I was simply not given a choice.

Regardless, it has worked out. I see now that we knew what was true all along (and if I were to press myself to remember, I can recall him saying on several occasions how similar yet different we are).
We are being woven into separate fabrics, and no matter how you spin it, you can't deny that they are indeed, almost impossibly immaculately beautiful.

But sometimes I still catch myself wondering, such as today, if I would ever see again in another, the depth that I once knew.

Nothing else do I need.

A excerpt from a diary entry, written sometime last year. Thought I’d share this:

I feel as though something is holding, literally, has its Hand over my heart. It is all that is holding me in, keeping me from spilling out all over the place, wrapped around me like Cling-Wrap. It is all that is keeping me together, from falling into pieces.

Surely, this must be God.

To be sure, I am afraid – afraid that whatever is holding me might eventually break lose and I would spill all over, and it would be almost impossible to piece be back together again.

But on the other hand, I know that if God is behind all this, He will see me through all the way. Lord, hold me close to You, till all I see of tomorrow and even just right now, is only You.

“The LORD is my Strength and my Shield, my heart trusts in Him and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks for Him in song” (Ps 28:7)

who will save your soul?

“For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?” (Mark 8:36-NKJV)

http://www.pbfcomics.com

the things that matter

Do take some time to watch/listen to this.

one step at a time

 

 

“Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you.

Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm.

Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.”

Proverbs 4:25-27

trust & obey

 

 

It is hard to imagine, let alone believe that tomorrow might just be our last.

****

 O Lord, in this time, let Your voice be heard clearly over the storm.

Break out!

the chromosom - X

An illustration I thought of yesterday, as I was arguing with Yew Meng that women are emotionally driven and most of what we do/say/think are emotionally motivated, while men are just not built that way – so stop telling me to “not base my arguments on my feelings” (he hates it when I say “I feel that…”.

The Woman On A Horse theory.

A woman and her emotions is like a horsewoman (the female “horseman”) who goes everywhere, does everything while sitting on her horse. Her horse called “emotions”. If her horse is untamed and wild, she too, sitting upon that horse will just be carried wherever the horse takes her – the horse becomes the master. But if the horse is bridled, under control – then it is the woman who masters the horse, not the other way around – and it would be for her benefit. Of course, the woman could get down from her horse – but imagine an emotionally detached woman/mother/girlfriend/wife.

Men, on the other hand, are less attached to their “emotion” horses. They swap between emotions and logic, which is what makes them so frustrating, sometimes (I’m not asking you for a solution! I just want you to listen to me rant and empathize with me!). That’s just how we were built, men and women.

Do you agree?

(lessons from) my volatile wiper

But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush and Seba in your stead.
Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give men in exchange for you,
and people in exchange for your life.
Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west.
I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’
and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’
Bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the ends of the earth -
everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made.
(Isaiah 43:1-7)

So. On Tuesday I had an OT appointment for an interview at 7.30 p.m. in Subang. I should have left earlier, perhaps…because at 6.30 it started to rain. And OH BOY did it pour! A little worried that I would be late for my appointment, our editor offered to lead me to Subang using a shortcut she knew. She also noted that its not always jammed going to Subang when it rains.

She was right! To my great surprise (I have to endure the LDP every.single.day – yes, that includes weekends – the LDP is our Bangkok) it wasn’t that jammed. By the time we got on the Federal highway it was pretty clear and cars were zooming past, all probably thinking “I’d better get home quick, before the jam starts!”.

It would have been better, maybe, for me at least, if it WAS jammed…because suddenly my wiper stopped working!

Rain was pelting on my windscreen and I felt paralyzed – “I’m WILLING it to move, but it’s not moving”. I couldn’t see a thing! I prayed “Lord! Help! I can’t stop the car now, but at the same time I can’t see where I’m going!”. Suddenly I felt a HUGE SPRAY, like the Niagara Falls was falling on my car. I had unwittingly passed under a flyover and the rain water was spilling down from it! My screen cleared for awhile.

I was supposed to meet my interviewee, Dr. Kumar at Taj Curry House. I had no idea where that was and Dr. Kumar had said “near SJMC”. As you probably know, SJMC is NOT SJMC anymore. Now it is “Sime Darby Medical Centre”. So, instead of calling anyone to check, I decided to consult my “state-of-the-art” Blackberry GPS – which very confidently pointed to Puchong!

Alamak! But…my wiper is not working…how??? I contemplated calling off the appointment, but Dr. Kumar had come all the way from Banting to meet me. I just didn’t have the heart. Insanely, I decided to go on to Puchong even though I could not see a thing.

The sky grew darker and whatever blurry vision I had of the road before disappeared. Soon I was literally driving blindly…all the praying, “GOD let me not bang into a divider! Or another car! Or fall off the highway!” and then thinking, “oklah…if I go Home to Jesus today, that’s ok. That’s ok, Lord”.

Guess my time wasn’t up yet, God still has work for me to do here. I saw an Esso station out of my side windows and headed towards that. Upon reaching, I turned off the engine, wiped my windscreen and THEN called Dr. Kumar again.

Me : Dr. Kumar…the restaurant is in Puchong ah?
Dr. Kumar : PUCHONG??? No! It’s right opposite SJMC, now Sime Darby.
Me : *Slaps forehead*

Before starting my car again, I prayed for my wipers, and they came back on (and is working today…don’t know why they failed that time) and made my way back to Subang, where I was at the beginning.

The incident showed me some things about God and my relationship with Him. Even though I WAS NOT smart not to double check with Dr. Kumar about the venue, instead relying on my GPS and that ended up with me being in such a scary situation– it taught me that God is able to turn any situation for good, and in this case, for me to learn something about Him.

Later that night, I read about God delivering the Israelites out of Egypt. (you can read about that here). Reflecting on previous events that day, I could only draw the conclusion that God is faithful, forever, to His people. His people at that time, were the nation of Israel.

But today, because Jesus Christ has died for our sins so that we too can experience God’s love, we are His people. He is relentless in His love for us and forever faithful to us. May we be as relentless in our love and faith for Him.

***I know “volatile” doesn’t really fit, but, I couldn’t find a better word that starts with V!

Underrated

I think talking is overrated & holding back is underrated.

Biting your tongue.

The Bible says in Proverbs 10:19 “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.”

James describes the tongue as “a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is set on fire by hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.”

Out of the abundance of your heart, your mouth speaks. What comes out shows what is going on inside.

Only one life, soon ‘twill be past.

let the lamp of my life burn out for Thee.

by C.T. Studd

“Two little lines I heard one day,
Traveling along life’s busy way;
Bringing conviction to my heart,
And from my mind would not depart;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one,
Soon will its fleeting hours be done;
Then, in ‘that day’ my Lord to meet,
And stand before His Judgment seat;
Only one life,’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, the still small voice,
Gently pleads for a better choice
Bidding me selfish aims to leave,
And to God’s holy will to cleave;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, a few brief years,
Each with its burdens, hopes, and fears;
Each with its clays I must fulfill,
living for self or in His will;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

When this bright world would tempt me sore,
When Satan would a victory score;
When self would seek to have its way,
Then help me Lord with joy to say;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Give me Father, a purpose deep,
In joy or sorrow Thy word to keep;
Faithful and true what e’er the strife,
Pleasing Thee in my daily life;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Oh let my love with fervor burn,
And from the world now let me turn;
Living for Thee, and Thee alone,
Bringing Thee pleasure on Thy throne;
Only one life, “twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one,
Now let me say,”Thy will be done”;
And when at last I’ll hear the call,
I know I’ll say “twas worth it all”;
Only one life,’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last. ”

Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.
And when I am dying, how happy I’ll be,
If the lamp of my life has been burned out for Thee.

Blessed Easter! May the light and life of the Resurrected Saviour burn brightly in you, for all to see, all the days of your life & may each day be a greater, deeper experience of His love for you.

Quick Recap

Today we went to the Zoo! :)

We made friends with

A giraffe

A family of raccoons. This guy got his head stepped on by his brother :(

An elephant

Camels

A bunch of lazy rhinoceroses

A depressed penguin

and a very friendly monkey. Hehe :P

Pretty pretty flowers and butterflies!

Yew Meng was eaten by a giant beetle!!! :(

and I turned into a half-tiger and had LOADS of fun! :)

Perhaps?

How about this:

maybe a part of me won’t listen silently, to what you have to say
maybe I’m scared or maybe just half-deaf.
maybe if your voice were like thunder, like a raging storm
I would perk up and pay you heed;
I would hear the alarm bells from afar;
I would smell the scent of danger in the air, and run.
maybe if I ran to that faraway place, I would find you there.

Overwhelmed

 

LORD I CAN’T DO THIS ON MY OWN.
Give me the strength to overcome.