A new beginning.

"...the Lord has done this, and it is marvelous in our eyes". (Psalm 118:23)

Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
"Blessed be Your Glorious Name".

some new and old things.

It's durian season now.

There's a whole longgok of durian in a sack from Suateng downstairs. I can smell them from here, but I haven't touched any. I've been waiting, wanting this, Durian Season, since February. But now that it's here, I find that I don't really want it anymore.

It's funny how that happens, isn't it? We imagine something to be thoroughly amazing when we don't have it, even adding in our own 'bits of nice' to it, but when we have it for real, we find that we're unable to truly menghayati because we've used up everything on the imaginary.

My Papa tells me to "Learn to spend wisely".

In recent times, Sue Ann, Stephy and I went on a food fast, and then on a food fest in Seremban, Melaka and then Kluang; where we had (no meals and then) many meals in a single meal. :D
Many thanks to God, Colin, Makkoh, Cathy, Tim, Jules, Wai Yan, Isaac, Paulus, Joan, Joy, aunty and uncle Lee and Abigail for making it all so memorable for us :) We shall do it again!

Lydia + Li Yit = LyYit or LiDia soon. Boy oh boy, do I love weddings!! :)

Am currently waiting still (I almost always am, aren't I?) may it be for not too much longer ...anyhow, I bet I'll learn treasures from this. Am slightly nervous; so please Lord, teach me to trust You more and cling on to that trust, or rather to You.
And to you
Who are waiting too,
Be of stout heart, Dear One
Because I know; if I were to know anything it would be this : That He loves us and He will walk us to the end, wherever that end may be.

So help me God.

I draw my life source from the River of Life. Jesus said "Drink, and you'll never thirst again".

Teach me to wait.

And please, oh please
let me hear You teaching me to wait.

And shall I fear
That there is anything that men hold dear
Thou would'st deprive me of,
And nothing give in place?

That is not so -
For I can see Thy face
And I can hear Thee now:

"My child, I died for Thee.
And if the gift of love and life
You took from Me,
Shall I one precious thing withhold -
One beautiful and bright,
One pure and precious thing withhold?
My child, it cannot be."
- Betty Scott Stam

Take the selfish, take the weak
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
The sin-soaked heart,
Make it Yours

To love You, take my world apart
To need You, I am on my knees
To love You, take my world apart
To need You, broken on my knees.

6.

this one, closest to my heart.

Trust me, I have not earn'd your dear rebuke,
I love, as you would have me, God the most;
Would lose not Him, but you, must one be lost,
Nor with Lot's wife cast back a faithless look
Unready to forego what I forsook;
This say I, having counted up the cost,
This, though I be the feeblest of God's host,
The sorriest sheep Christ shepherds with His crook.
Yet while I love my God the most, I deem
That I can never love you overmuch;
I love Him more, so let me love you too;
Yea, as I apprehend it, love is such:

I cannot love you if I love not Him,
I cannot love Him if I love not you.

♥

-----------------------------

I have never walked on water
Felt the waves beneath my feet but
At your Word Lord,
I’ll receive Your faith to walk on oceans deep

And I remember how You found me;
In that very same place
All my failing surely would've drowned me
But You made a way

You are my freedom
Jesus You’re the reason
I’m kneeling again at Your throne
Where would I be without You
Here in my life, here in my life?

You have said that all the heavens
Sing for joy at one who finds
The way to freedom, truth of Jesus
Bought from death into His life

And I remember how You saw me:
Through the eyes of Your grace
And though the cost was Your beloved for me
Still you made a way!

first

I am a born sucker for all things romantic. I love the soppy and sentimental, as soppy sentimentals would; and as someone once pointed out, I would look out a glass window at a tree on which hang small yellow lights and sigh at the fireflies I see fluttering about there.
(is 'soppy' even a proper word?)

I don't know many poems I could call my 'favourites', and I understand fewer. But here is, Christina Rossetti's Monna Innominata : A sonnet of sonnets. A compilation of 14 of (to me) one of the most beautiful sonnets of love ever written :)

And the first sonnet goes :

Come back to me, who wait and watch for you:--
Or come not yet, for it is over then,
And long it is before you come again,
So far between my pleasures are and few.
While, when you come not, what I do I do
Thinking "Now when he comes," my sweetest when:"
For one man is my world of all the men
This wide world holds; O love, my world is you.
Howbeit, to meet you grows almost a pang
Because the pang of parting comes so soon;
My hope hangs waning, waxing, like a moon
Between the heavenly days on which we meet:
Ah me, but where are now the songs I sang
When life was sweet because you call'd them sweet?

You r my heart.

My Father I adore You more than anything my heart could wish for, I just want You. And Jesus, my beloved Saviour, everything I am I owe to You; I owe it all to You. And angels come and adore You. And we Your children worship You.
You are my world, You are my God, and I lay down my life for You. You are my Lord, the one I love. No one could ever take You place.
And everything I am I give to You, my Lord, the one I live for. I live for You. And all my days are gifts from You, I pray I'd use them as You want me to, use them for You. And angels come and adore You. And we Your children worship You.
You are my world, You are my God, and I lay down my life for You. You are my Lord, the one I love. No one could ever take You place.

"But you will be fed with the finest of wheat; with honey from the rock I would satisfy You" (Psalm 81:16)

when I was young.

Fields of gold
The Bright Blue Sea,
Daisies.
They smile at me.
I see your eyes,
they smile too,
as though they're saying
"I Love You"

"Petals Red!",
The Roses said.
Violets Blue,
I do to.
Let's dream of clouds of cotton white,
that shade the sun,
She shines so bright.

"Then make our day",
the Blackbirds say,
"Love ever dearly, come what may"

So take my hand and sit by me,
and whisper in my ear about the sea.
We'll sit all day,
till day is night.
And whisper about the sea till the stars are in sight.
Then take my hand before you go,

and smile at me so that I'll know,
When the Roses talk and the Blackbirds say
It's you and me,
come what may,

We'll sit again
to whisper about the sea
and see clouds of white
and Violets blue
and the Daisies
for they smile too.

If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.

If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here
If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,
then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared

Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for Hope to come for me

Am I lost or just found? On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
Is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
Cos my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
An avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become

For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope, He's coming

C.S. Lewis & Brooke Fraser

His people in the government

Joseph
Joseph was thirty years old when he entered the service of Pharaoh king of Egypt. And Joseph went out from Pharaoh's presence and traveled throughout Egypt. During the seven years of abundance the land produced plentifully. Joseph collected all the food produced in those seven years of abundance in Egypt and stored it in the cities. In each city he put the food grown in the fields surrounding it. Joseph stored up huge quantities of grain, like the sand of the sea; it was so much that he stopped keeping records because it was beyond measure.

Mordecai
Mordecai the Jew was second in rank to King Xerxes, preeminent among the Jews, and held in high esteem by his many fellow Jews, because he worked for the good of his people and spoke up for the welfare of all the Jews.

Daniel
Then the king placed Daniel in a high position and lavished many gifts on him. He made him ruler over the entire province of Babylon and placed him in charge of all its wise men.
It pleased Darius to appoint 120 satraps to rule throughout the kingdom, with three administrators over them, one of whom was Daniel. The satraps were made accountable to them so that the king might not suffer loss. Now Daniel so distinguished himself among the administrators and the satraps by his exceptional qualities that the king planned to set him over the whole kingdom.

Lets continue to pray, that His people will influence change in the way things are.

Malaysiaku untuk Yesus, Malaysia untuk Yesusku

You are God of this city
You are King of this people
You are Lord of this nation
You are

You are Light in this darkness
You are Hope to the hopeless
You are Peace to the restless
You are

There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

Greater things have yet to come
Greater things are still to be done in this city
Greater things have yet to come
Greater things are yet to be done here.

"If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow Me." -Luke9:23


Love Incarnate, Love Divine
Captivate this heart of mine
Till all I do,
Speaks of You.

more on waiting

There are times when you can't understand why you cannot do what you want to do. When God brings a time of waiting, and appears to be unresponsive, don't fill it with busyness, just wait. The time of waiting may come to teach you the meaning of sanctification - to be set apart from sin and made holy - or it may come after the process of sanctification has begun to teach you what service means. Never run before God gives you His direction. If you have the slightest doubt, then He is not guiding. Whenever there is doubt - wait.

- Oswald Chambers,
My Utmost for His Highest.

Love of my life, Life of my life

Could this be out of line?

Could this be out of line,
To say You're the only one, breaking me down like this?
You're the only one I would take a shot on,
Keep me hanging on, so contagiously.

================================

I'm at one of those points in my life where I'm asking myself "who am I?" Everyone (who claims to know me) says I know who I am. That I've pretty much discovered and establish my identity.
Which confuses me, because I don't know who I am. I think.

I guess at those other points (of ponder), I grew into me at a somewhat consistent rate. No drastic changes; so I could stop, look at myself and say "Ahh...I am such and such". The circumstances around me made sense, my structures, my building plans and I could relate myself around them.

But now that my structures have been torn down, and my building plans thrown into the flames, now I'm really baffled. I'm stumped. I look at my past, and see a ghost of what (or rather who) I used to be. And in the mirror, I now see someone I recognize, but I do not know.

Who am I, really?

I figured, I would eventually find out...just let time take its course.
Until Chan K.O. commented I'm a bit old to be searching for my identity.
OK.

So I went back, and asked the Maker.
(gosh, why didn't I think of this earlier)

And He says
"...in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully."

Of course.

So I figure (for now at this point of the research-process) He's just changing me completely, thats all, that's why I don't recognize myself.

I'm just gonna trust You.

I am weak, You are strong.
I am small, You are big.
You are clever, I am not.
I am lost, You find me.
So thank You, Lord, for calling me Yours.

I live for You, all of my days
belong to You
You draw me to Your tenderness

You make me new

Into the secret place I will run
Where my heart can be free
in the place that I'm found

Unto You
Be all glory and praise
How my heart seeks Your face
as I'm waiting on You
Only You
are my Strength and my Tower
fill my life with You power
as I stand here in awe of You

I stand here in awe of You

Waiting, waiting
I am waiting
I will wait upon You.

Teach my heart to
listen to
wait upon You.

Teach my heart to
trust to
wait upon You.

Teach my heart to
be still to
wait upon You.