h3.post-title {font-family: 'Cedarville Cursive';}

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying
Let Me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child,
Tell Me where will you run?
To where will you run?

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and My side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life

I want to give you life

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

By your side,
Tenth Avenue North,
inspired by Jesus

more on waiting

There are times when you can't understand why you cannot do what you want to do. When God brings a time of waiting, and appears to be unresponsive, don't fill it with busyness, just wait. The time of waiting may come to teach you the meaning of sanctification - to be set apart from sin and made holy - or it may come after the process of sanctification has begun to teach you what service means. Never run before God gives you His direction. If you have the slightest doubt, then He is not guiding. Whenever there is doubt - wait.

- Oswald Chambers,
My Utmost for His Highest.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Love of my life, Life of my life

Could this be out of line?

Could this be out of line,
To say You're the only one, breaking me down like this?
You're the only one I would take a shot on,
Keep me hanging on, so contagiously.


I'm at one of those points in my life where I'm asking myself "who am I?" Everyone (who claims to know me) says I know who I am. That I've pretty much discovered and establish my identity.
Which confuses me, because I don't know who I am. I think.

I guess at those other points (of ponder), I grew into me at a somewhat consistent rate. No drastic changes; so I could stop, look at myself and say "Ahh...I am such and such". The circumstances around me made sense, my structures, my building plans and I could relate myself around them.

But now that my structures have been torn down, and my building plans thrown into the flames, now I'm really baffled. I'm stumped. I look at my past, and see a ghost of what (or rather who) I used to be. And in the mirror, I now see someone I recognize, but I do not know.

Who am I, really?

I figured, I would eventually find out...just let time take its course.
Until Chan K.O. commented I'm a bit old to be searching for my identity.

So I went back, and asked the Maker.
(gosh, why didn't I think of this earlier)

And He says
"...in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully."

Of course.

So I figure (for now at this point of the research-process) He's just changing me completely, thats all, that's why I don't recognize myself.

I'm just gonna trust You.

I am weak, You are strong.
I am small, You are big.
You are clever, I am not.
I am lost, You find me.
So thank You, Lord, for calling me Yours.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Week Two

Today is Friday, end of week two, first semester, second year.

The week just -swoosh- flew by. It was one of

  • Rambutans and mangosteens
  • Durians and XiaXue
  • Dry cough
  • Watery noses
  • Sea monsters
  • Free cheery flavoured cough syrup
  • Coffee and coffins
  • Marmite soup
  • Vege
  • Michelle cooking vege
  • Newbies
  • A scratch on the right back door of Charlie my Saga
Kluang, tonight! Yahoo! :) Am excited to see what's going to happen!

Me and housemates + guest did a 'five walls' last night...and to me, it was a re-evaluation. Hanging up my thoughts again on the line and looking at them from afar, then rearranging them to put them in order. Defragmenting my mind. :)

Tis been a greatly difficult year for me. One of mighty challenges, of reform and change. Of upheaval. Of tearing down old structures, throwing away the old blueprints and trusting Him for better ones.
It has been like being in a tunnel, dark all around the sides and silent. Long.
But He has never left my side, not even for a moment. Even through the examinations of my faith and obedience.

Do what You will, You are the Author and Perfecter of my faith.

It disturbs me to see my own unfaithfulness and inconsistency disturb the work of change in me.
I do that which I do not want to do, and I do not do what I want to do. Flesh opposes the spirit.

Make me dead to myself, and alive in You. So I may find myself in You.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

I live for You, all of my days
belong to You
You draw me to Your tenderness

You make me new

Into the secret place I will run
Where my heart can be free
in the place that I'm found

Unto You
Be all glory and praise
How my heart seeks Your face
as I'm waiting on You
Only You
are my Strength and my Tower
fill my life with You power
as I stand here in awe of You

I stand here in awe of You

Waiting, waiting
I am waiting
I will wait upon You.

Teach my heart to
listen to
wait upon You.

Teach my heart to
trust to
wait upon You.

Teach my heart to
be still to
wait upon You.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Why I Heart P.J. (part 23)

Tis the final week of my 2 month long holiday *sobb*. And so I am going all out! And there's really no better place to bum around and entertain one's self than in P.J., the City of Entertainment.

Monday, I watched Wanted.

For those of you who are contemplating whether to watch or not watch, I say, if you liked Jumper and Hitman then you'd probably like Wanted a bit more than the other two. The action is quite good, entertainingly violent (not TOO much like Pathfinder) but the story, in my humble 2 sen worth of opinion, is pretty darn dumb. Not too impressive for an Angelina Jolie flick, but go watch anyway, so you won't be left out when your friends are talking about it.

Tuesday I watched The Incredible Hulk (TIH) (2).

(2) because if you remember, there was already one in 2003, so, I was wondering, why did they come out with another so soon?.
from the company of my fellow TIH watchers say its because the earlier (not the 1978
one, the 2003 - Hulk - one) was a flop. I actually thought that was alright...I mean...ANYTHING with Eric Bana is alright in my books (except maybe Norbit, or Epic Movie) :D But I'd have to agree...this (2008) one's better. Not WAYY better, but better. I liked the end part :)

Today (is Wednesday) I watched Beauty and The Beast (The Musical, and UK version) with some special kids from the school.

I've watched Beauty and The Beast the katun so many times (throughout my lifetime) that I know the whole dialogue, I even went for Beauty and The Beast, Disney on Ice when I was a kid, and got the mirror. This one's a bit different though...they put in some of their own songs, and they're very UK. But it was alright, and I enjoyed being with the kids.

I also heart PJ (call me shallow and materialistic lah) for the shopping malls. Seriously, P.J. is the best place to be when Malaysia goes on Mega Sale.

Four days left, P.J. my love, then its back to Bangi.

p/s: mng's end of season sale is pretty awesome this time round!