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Thursday, May 29, 2008

The Shoebox

The shoebox
is where i keep you now

you have become, but a distant memory
you were once
but now you are photographs
that will turn yellow and
curly around the edges
over time

and i promise to take them out
to look at them
every once in awhile

and i will cry as i remember
how you were a part of me as i was a part of you
how you saw me as i saw you
how i knew you
felt you
as you lay dying
i held on to you
i could not bear to watch myself
let you go
even as you let go of me
i held on as though you were mine

but you had to go
although i knew you couldn't stay
i didn't say goodbye
i just closed my eyes
and you drifted

goodbye, then
i will always love you
i will always remember
how i was a part of you as you were a part of me
how i saw you as you saw me
goodbye for now
i will always love you

The shoebox
is all i have of you

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

In the autumn on the ground,
between the traffic and the traffic and the ordinary sounds
I am thinking signs and seasons while a north wind blows through
I watch as lovers pass me by
Walking stories - whos and hows and whys
Musing lazily on love
Pondering you
I'll give it time, give it space and be still for a spell

When it's time to walk that way, we wanna walk it well

I'll be waiting for you baby
I'll be holding back the darkest night
Love is waiting till we're ready, till it's right
Love is waiting

It's my caution not the cold
there's no other hand that i would rather hold
The climate changes,
I'm singing for the strangers about you
Don't keep time, slow the pace
Honey hold on if you can
the bets are getting surer now,
that you're my man

I'll be waiting for you baby
I'll be holding back the darkest night
Love is waiting till we're ready, till it's right
Love is waiting

I could write a million songs about the way you say my name
I could live a lifetime with you and then do it all again
and like I can't force the sun to rise or hasten summer's start,
neither should I rush my way into your heart.

I'll be waiting for you baby
I'll be holding back the darkest night
Love is waiting till we're ready, till it's right
Love is waiting

Brooke Fraser, Love Is Waiting

Sunday, May 25, 2008


fuhh...its good to be back!

My feet are killing me! somehow the muscle on my ankle got pulled (i don't know how, or why)...and now it hurts.

Time has flown by, doesn't seem like three weeks have passed since our last paper on the 9th. Have had a good three weeks in quiet (ok, not quiet in the silent sense, but quiet away from all the noise i'm used to, and all the noise i've depended on).

thank You, Lord for giving me the break i asked for.

He has given me time away to quiet my heart and mind that has had so much traffic going on unmanaged for so long, i've lost track of what really matters and took the wheel myself. He knew i needed to be away to think, get my thoughts back in order.

thank You, Lord for not giving up on me and bringing me back.

I read somewhere in My Utmost for His Highest once, that God will reach even to the furthermost parts of the universe (which is only big relative to us, but not to Him because He made the universe) to bring us back to Him.
And i feel that this is what He has done for me, or rather has been doing for me. He's reached out and saved me, and now He's done it again....reached out to bring me back to Him.

For God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in His shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16)

If only we wouldn't keep forgetting His wonderful love, that sent His only Son to suffer and die for our hope. Its not about being 'religious', nor is it about being 'Christian' or 'fanatical' or 'the holy type'.

Its about the fact that we were all perishing hopelessly in the hopelessness of our lives, heading for hell and condemnation. We aren't all murderers, rapists or robbers, but we are liars, back-stabbers and prideful, and we all know that we cannot live on our own capabilities. We know one day those we love most dearly will disappoint us, and we know we will one day disappoint them. We are in desperate need for someone to save us.

I was in desperate need for someone to save me. I was, a long time ago, and i was three months back. My friends and family were wonderful, but only Jesus can heal and fulfill completely.

Which is why God sent us a Savior. Do all of you who are reading this, Christian or not, know this? That God loves us, me and you so very much, that He would not let us perish in our own hopelessness and sin, that He sent One whom He loved most, His own son, His only Son to suffer and die in our place?

And that because Jesus conquered even death, He died and then He rose again and is alive, we too have conquered death in its hopelessness, sorrow, anguish and despair and He has given us abundant life - life full of hope, peace beyond even our understanding, joy and strength in the darkest places. His perfect love drives out all fear.

If you don't know Him, find Him! Its not some item on promotion you can do without, He is the Saviour of, not just mine, but our souls...all of us. And if we don't return to Him, we would have lost our very lives, our very purposes.

Thank You, Jesus, lover of my soul.

O Father of all Comfort,
I rest my weary soul in Thee
Let there be none i desire more
Than what Thy will desires in me.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Negara di bawah bayu

Am on in betweens (between Sabah-just got back today, and mission trip-leaving for Philo on Thurs). Before i leave for my next escapade, here's a gist of beautiful beautiful Kota Kinabalu as i experienced it :

Kota Kinabalu Welcomes You

Praveen and his Sentra that seats 5 and allows squat space for one (1) - thanks for bringing us around Praveen!

Praveen's 3 room temporary apartment that fits 6 (or more), has two (2) toilets and three (3) mattresses, one (1) table, one (1) tatami mat and one(1) guitar for furniture. Oh, and one (1) washing machine that came later.

Kota Kinabalu was Jesselton before it became Kota Kinabalu.

Boats and beaches

We packed for winter (to climb Kinabalu) but went swimming everyday.

Gunung Kinabalu from a distance (was rainy season, so we didn't get to climb as planned)

Seafood galore! - watch this video of a fish going crazy (was taken at the seafood restaurant where we ate the dishes shown above) I wonder what happens if one eats psycho fish!

This is a real toad preserved, and made into a bag. Disgusting!

Sabah i love you

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Friday, May 9, 2008

Goodbye Cruel World!

will be away the whole month, goodbye world.
This is my break.

Saturday, May 3, 2008


arrgghh,,pixels pixels, make it look not nice! grainy...i can't see Joel! -.-

Anyway, United is bacckk!! and since i've no STPM this time round, i've no excuse not to go!
(not that STPM got in the way last year la - i did pay for it with my Bio paper tho)

GTpj, RM50/-, 28 May 2008 - (the day before PPBC's church camp)

Who's going?
Who's going?

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Dr. Mahathir has a blog - www.chedet.com

Random - read la, if you want.

Everyone's talking about the Malaysian Dreamgirl. Cindy was it?Dreamgirl this, dreamgirl that. I was in One U yesterday with Sheng and Suki, they had a shoot there, but i didn't stay to watch - was late for dinner.
Sheng says one of them dreamgirls are from our school one.

Well, I forgot what her name was, but...go Taman SEA! heh.

Why call it Dreamgirls tho? Dreamgirls are Jen Hudson, Beyonce and the other poor thing didn't get an award singer. Should just call it Malaysia's Next Top Model la. Want to copy might as well go all the way.

ah well...if i had a camera, i'd probably have taken pictures at one U yesterday and i would probably blog about them too. Haha. But since i don't, kutuking them is all i can do.

yes, i'm a very sorry case.

I was thinking. i think i should sign up to join F1. What must one do to race in F1? must audition and stuff one r?
I'll tell you why before you call me perasan.

You see, i have this mini collection (by mini i mean, five in all) collection of miniature cars. I got the first of them from a KFC chicky meal (it wasn't called chicky meal then, nor is it now i think) when i was eight. Its a vintage convertible...no brand one la of course...it's from KFC la.
I liked it so much i made Papa go back four other times to get me four more chicky meals so i could have four more vintage convertibles. (they're all in different colours)

Thus began my deep longing to be able drive one day.
(of course, at this point many things have come along the way that have snuffed out the flame of this longing)

But i was thinking, I drive to uni twice a week, and most of the time (if not much traffic la), I make it there in half an hour. (thats cos thats how much my Saga can do, if i got Ferrari, then..fuhh.)
I've always liked Daytona.
Could i make some money out of this?

Ahh...just a thought.

You know what i want? I want a camera...now that my k750i is gone (*sniff* that one also they wanna take!) I have none!
I keep taking out my phone, forgetting that my trusty 2.0 MP Sony is gone, like yesterday is gone, only to come to cruel reality that in my hand is a Nokia-I-dunno-what-model.

This is a lesson for me not to be so materialistic.

Today Ed, Yohan and I cleaned our *home* - (its not what it sounds ok, we're going to be housemates next semester on la, and Michelle, she's the other housemate couldn't make it today)

Btw, Happy Anniversary, Mr & Mrs. See!

Our brand new shoplot :) It took us FIVE hours (including dinner and ice-cream la) to get it swept, mopped, wiped (polished in Ed and Yohan's case who did the toilet bowls - thanks guys :)). We unwrapped all the new plastic covered furniture we got and arranged them in the rooms.

After all that was done, we sat back and talked about goldfish and steamboat. What fun :) Thank You Lord for our place. God Bless our home.

And now, i'm hungry. Toodles ;) ....

oooh, p/s : gossip girl is the new DH!! heh