Introspection

Have I an object, LORD, below
Which would divide my heart from Thee
Which would divert its even flow,
In answer to Thy constancy?
Oh, teach me quickly to return
And cause my heart afresh to burn!

Have I a hope, however dear
Which would defer Thy coming, LORD
Which would detain my spirit here,
Where naught can lasting joy afford?
From it, my Saviour, set me free!
To look and long and wait for Thee.

Be Thou the object, bright and fair
To fill and satisfy the heart.
My hope to meet Thee in the air
And nevermore from Thee to part;
That I may undistracted be
To follow, serve and wait for Thee.

(George West Frazer, 1830-1896)

Introspection

In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength.

yet you would have none of it.

Hold me close to You.

Hold me close,
Let Your Love surround me,
Bring me near; draw me to Your side.

And as I wait,
I’ll rise up like the eagle
And I will soar with You,
Your Spirit leads me on,
By the power of Your Love. 

“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the Everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary, and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” (Isaiah 40:28-31)

Hold me O LORD, close to You. Let me feel You breathing over me, let me hear Your heartbeat.

Sometimes I grow tired, LORD; sometimes I feel like I cannot go on. Sometimes I even feel like I do not deserve to go on.

In those times, LORD, let me feel Your embrace – Your arms holding me close to You, close to Your heart. There I am whole, there I know am I whole. There, I am whole – because there is where I belong.

Grace for the day

 

for the grace to hold fast,
for the grace to look straight ahead,
for the grace to keeping running,
for the grace to carry on.

Get some rest/Go to sleep

 

is what I am Going to do as soon as I Get home later this Gevening (evening).

Fish in a bowl

At home, there is a goldfish who lives in a fish bowl.

 

 

 

 

 

 

He kind of looks like this one, but this is not him. The one at home is fatter and the brim of his bowl is in a wave like pattern. He also looks more stuck up.

He’s not my goldfish. He is the replacement for my goldfish (and probably the 55th generation of goldfish to live in that bowl). My goldfish was just a koochi fry when I brought him home. Kok Onn gave him to me in a plastic bag and I had to talk soothingly to him in the car, or else he would have pengsaned on the bumpy ride. When I got home I put him into The Bowl and yelled into the water, “HELLO FISH FISH!”. He seemed to like the name & stopped swimming around whenever I called “HELLO FISH FISH!”

Fish Fish grew up into a bigger round ball of ….fish. One day a friend brought me a jungle fighting fish he had caught while on a camping trip. I had no other bowl, so I roomed him with Fish Fish. A week later he died. Feisty one, that Fish Fish!

Clearly he had some problems relating to society. But, how do you counsel a goldfish, right? Sensing that he was lonely in that big glass bowl, I decided to get him some plants to play with. So I got some mini lily-like plants from Yew Meng and floated them in Fish Fish’s bowl. The next day, when I got home I noticed that the bowl was empty and dried out, and my round fish ball was missing. Pops told me he’d suffocated from all the plants in his bowl. Poor fish! The very next day, he was replaced by the same stuck up fish swimming in that bowl today.

Sometimes I think about Fish Fish in the bowl. I wonder how he could be so contented swimming round and round and round the bowl every single day of his life. There would be the occasional deviation from his routine, of course. Like when the Fatty The Cat dips her paws into his water, or when someone shouts into his bowl.

Pops says fish forget easily. Maybe that’s a good life. A short life, with very few and rare stressful events. And being able to forget. No baggage. Just swim, swim, swim all day with only God as a friend.

Elephants

are just absolutely the cutest things!

so are kittens and penguins and chicks and hamsters and slow lorrises and baby geckos and bunnies and hermit crabs and turtles and hedgehogs and old people and infants and baby seals and puppies and little ducklings and Elmo.

Drowsy

Have you ever seen a someone so sleepy, she fainted?

I haven’t.

Maybe I should leave a video camera on somewhere on my desk just in case.

Be Consistent!

I’m gonna make up for forgetting to post my B post on Saturday by doing a triple post ….chehwah.

1. Becoming Children again.

On Saturday, we had planned a youth trip to the KLCC Skybridge. Sue Ann & I went at 7.30 a.m., ahead of everyone to buy tickets, but when we got there – omg there were SO many people and the line was so long! Gilerr. But we lined up anyway, and waited half awake and grumpy. I had slept at 4 am the night before –.- Trust me, I was grumpy.

Thank God for the Mesra shop there…that sold strong coffee and overpriced hotdogs. At least we weren’t hungry. Just a bit broke, and it was just breakfast.

When we were only 1/4 way to the counter, the board showed “Now selling tickets for 1.30 p.m. visit to the skybridge” It was way too late for us, so we decided to chow. WHATS THE BIG DEAL ABOUT THE SKYBRIDGE ANYWAY? Why every time also packed one? I must commend the service at the KLCC Skybridge counter/waiting room though. Really friendly, helpful and polite guards, despite how early and packed the place was.

But kesian la, my poor yuffies…Ezra brought his binoculars some more. Haha. So we decided instead to go to Petrosains.

You know, I expected to be bored out of my skull. The last time I went to Petrosains, I was 12 or something. And even then I was bored – I remember it being about petrol and some really lame helicopter ride simulator. The only reason why we decided to go there this time round was because it costs only RM12 for adults (and RM7 if you’re under 18), compared to the gila b*b* expensive Aquaria where only infants can afford to go. Plus, Tim had been there recently (2 years ago) and recommended it.

I was wrong! Petrosains has been really keeping up with the times, and its SUPER fun! I don’t have all the pictures – they’re in Sue Ann’s camera. But here are some of them:

Here’s the Infinity Mirror where you could see up and down to forever. (Limited to “forever” at that spot in Petrosains, KLCC only though)

Here’s the Many Sides Of You mirror, where you can see many sides of you (but only if you see through a little crack at the door)

Here’s Dino from Da Hood,yo! the rapping T Rex: “Hey kawan selamat datang…” You won’t be able to get the rap out of your head.

Annnnnd….I got to go to SPACE! Hah! I also got go la, Sheikh Muszaphar!

There were games and a science show where Yew Meng won a badge that says “I had fun in Petrosains” and wore it throughout the entire trip until worship team meeting that night. We were there from about 9 a.m. till 2 p.m. and didn’t want to go home, but we were too hungry and our legs were giving way (ok, not all our legs). Petrosains is SUPER fun, guys! Even if you’re already old and have to spend your weeks quietly behind an office desk

2. Birthday Chick

Happy Birthday Sheng Mae!

 

We first met in 2 Usaha. She was sweeping the floor and she had the longest hair…like Rapunzel! Couldn’t tell whether she was sweeping with her hair or the broom. She was there, all through primary school, badminton classes, every birthday, through high school, form six, in prison, through our uni years and now. This year marks our 16th year. Love you babe! <3

 

3. Buying Cheezels.

I LOVE Cheezels!

A is for…Ah Ma, I miss you.

Now and then, for the most part of yesterday I found myself wondering what to start this A to Z blogging challenge with. I kept thinking “A is for Ah Ma Teh Bok Nee”.

Ah Ma was my paternal grandmother. I tried to find a picture I took picture I took with her when I was little, at a church camp in Golden Sands, PD to put up with this post– but I couldn’t find it. But I don’t need a picture to remember her. I remember everything about her.

My Ah Ma was a gentle kindly old lady, as gentle as a Nyonya could be. She took care of me, my sister and our cousin Colin for most of our young lives. She had short curly hair that she constantly dyed as it greyed and small smiley eyes. She wasn’t fat as some old women are because she’d had to work very hard to bring up her five children, but she wasn’t small either because when her children grew up they loved her and gave to her, just as she had given to them. Among her brothers and sisters, she was always highly respected and whatever she said was law, because she was very wise.

She always smelled like talcum powder and I liked leaning on her because she was soft. Her earlobes had big holes in them because she had worn heavy earrings as they did in the past. She always told me that I looked nice whenever I wore red or pink, those must have been her favourite colours. She would call my house every Tuesday and chat with whoever picked up the phone.

My earliest memory with her is of me fighting with her and pulling the gold necklace she always wore around her neck because I didn’t want to get on the school bus to go kindergarten. I also remember her threatening to rub chilli on my eyes because I had been naughty and wanted to play with a boiling kettle of water. She eventually did, rub onions on my eyes, because I played with an electrical plug and got myself electrocuted.

I remember her making me her special maggi mee, where she used a wok to cook the noodles, instead of a pot. I would ask it from her all the time. She knew what I liked to eat, and always tried to cook my favourite dishes for me. She would make me luncheon meat sandwiches in the mornings, to eat before I went to school and a cup of milo. When my mom passed away and I went to live with Ah Ma, I remember always feeling safe whenever Ah Ma was around.

On evening in 2001, Ah Ma had just taken a bus from Melaka and was waiting at the bus station for someone to pick her up when a motorcyclist snatched her handbag. The impact caused her to fall and she hit her head on the curb. She fell into a coma and three days later she died. It breaks my heart knowing that I never got down to sharing Christ with my Ah Ma and I don’t know if I’ll ever see her again. Maybe He would have revealed Himself to her. She was such a good person.

We all miss her. The other day at a family gathering/karaoke session, someone picked the song “Lagenda” by Sheila Majid. Ko Chik (small aunt) wept singing the song, she said it reminded her of Ah Ma.

Ah Ma I miss you. When you left, I sat crying at the foot of the stairs staring at the chair where you used to sit and droop off to sleep, knowing how much I would miss seeing you do that. Ah Ma, we are your legacy. You taught us to be kind to everyone, no matter how they looked or how much money they have, or even if they were unkind. You taught us to work hard and value family, that as family we must always look out for each other. You taught us that the true value of a person is not in how much they earn, or what they know or don’t know, but in they way they respect other people, in the goodness of their hearts and in the kindness they show, even to the least deserving.

The song “Lagenda” might have been written as a tribute to Tan Sri P. Ramlee. But when we sing it, we sing about you.

Sejuta bintang di angkasa
Sinarnya mempesona
Sebutir bintang di taman seni
Cahayanya berseri
Biar bertahun masa beredar
Satu wajah satu nama takkan pudar

Tetap jelas di ruang mata
Setiap gerak gaya
Bergetaran merdu sinar
Di persada budaya
Hingga kini menjadi sebutan
Tetap terpahat namamu di ingatan

Kaulah satu satunya
Di antara berjuta
Insan teristimewa
Patah tak tumbuh lagi
Hilang belum berganti
Kerana kau tersendiri
Kau kebanggaan kita
Kau budayawan bangsa
Engkau lagenda