There are times when you can't understand why you cannot do what you want to do. When God brings a time of waiting, and appears to be unresponsive, don't fill it with busyness, just wait. The time of waiting may come to teach you the meaning of sanctification - to be set apart from sin and made holy - or it may come after the process of sanctification has begun to teach you what service means. Never run before God gives you His direction. If you have the slightest doubt, then He is not guiding. Whenever there is doubt - wait.
- Oswald Chambers,
My Utmost for His Highest.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
Love of my life, Life of my life
Could this be out of line?
Could this be out of line,
To say You're the only one, breaking me down like this?
You're the only one I would take a shot on,
Keep me hanging on, so contagiously.
================================
I'm at one of those points in my life where I'm asking myself "who am I?" Everyone (who claims to know me) says I know who I am. That I've pretty much discovered and establish my identity.
Which confuses me, because I don't know who I am. I think.
I guess at those other points (of ponder), I grew into me at a somewhat consistent rate. No drastic changes; so I could stop, look at myself and say "Ahh...I am such and such". The circumstances around me made sense, my structures, my building plans and I could relate myself around them.
But now that my structures have been torn down, and my building plans thrown into the flames, now I'm really baffled. I'm stumped. I look at my past, and see a ghost of what (or rather who) I used to be. And in the mirror, I now see someone I recognize, but I do not know.
Who am I, really?
I figured, I would eventually find out...just let time take its course.
Until Chan K.O. commented I'm a bit old to be searching for my identity.
OK.
So I went back, and asked the Maker.
(gosh, why didn't I think of this earlier)
And He says
"...in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.
So I figure (for now at this point of the research-process) He's just changing me completely, thats all, that's why I don't recognize myself.
I'm just gonna trust You.
I am weak, You are strong.
I am small, You are big.
You are clever, I am not.
I am lost, You find me.
So thank You, Lord, for calling me Yours.
Could this be out of line,
To say You're the only one, breaking me down like this?
You're the only one I would take a shot on,
Keep me hanging on, so contagiously.
================================
I'm at one of those points in my life where I'm asking myself "who am I?" Everyone (who claims to know me) says I know who I am. That I've pretty much discovered and establish my identity.
Which confuses me, because I don't know who I am. I think.
I guess at those other points (of ponder), I grew into me at a somewhat consistent rate. No drastic changes; so I could stop, look at myself and say "Ahh...I am such and such". The circumstances around me made sense, my structures, my building plans and I could relate myself around them.
But now that my structures have been torn down, and my building plans thrown into the flames, now I'm really baffled. I'm stumped. I look at my past, and see a ghost of what (or rather who) I used to be. And in the mirror, I now see someone I recognize, but I do not know.
Who am I, really?
I figured, I would eventually find out...just let time take its course.
Until Chan K.O. commented I'm a bit old to be searching for my identity.
OK.
So I went back, and asked the Maker.
(gosh, why didn't I think of this earlier)
And He says
"...in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.
For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully."
Of course.So I figure (for now at this point of the research-process) He's just changing me completely, thats all, that's why I don't recognize myself.
I'm just gonna trust You.
I am weak, You are strong.
I am small, You are big.
You are clever, I am not.
I am lost, You find me.
So thank You, Lord, for calling me Yours.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Week Two
Today is Friday, end of week two, first semester, second year.
The week just -swoosh- flew by. It was one of
Me and housemates + guest did a 'five walls' last night...and to me, it was a re-evaluation. Hanging up my thoughts again on the line and looking at them from afar, then rearranging them to put them in order. Defragmenting my mind. :)
Tis been a greatly difficult year for me. One of mighty challenges, of reform and change. Of upheaval. Of tearing down old structures, throwing away the old blueprints and trusting Him for better ones.
It has been like being in a tunnel, dark all around the sides and silent. Long.
But He has never left my side, not even for a moment. Even through the examinations of my faith and obedience.
Do what You will, You are the Author and Perfecter of my faith.
It disturbs me to see my own unfaithfulness and inconsistency disturb the work of change in me.
I do that which I do not want to do, and I do not do what I want to do. Flesh opposes the spirit.
Make me dead to myself, and alive in You. So I may find myself in You.
The week just -swoosh- flew by. It was one of
- Rambutans and mangosteens
- Durians and XiaXue
- Dry cough
- Watery noses
- Sea monsters
- Free cheery flavoured cough syrup
- Coffee and coffins
- Marmite soup
- Vege
- Michelle cooking vege
- Newbies
- A scratch on the right back door of Charlie my Saga
Me and housemates + guest did a 'five walls' last night...and to me, it was a re-evaluation. Hanging up my thoughts again on the line and looking at them from afar, then rearranging them to put them in order. Defragmenting my mind. :)
Tis been a greatly difficult year for me. One of mighty challenges, of reform and change. Of upheaval. Of tearing down old structures, throwing away the old blueprints and trusting Him for better ones.
It has been like being in a tunnel, dark all around the sides and silent. Long.
But He has never left my side, not even for a moment. Even through the examinations of my faith and obedience.
Do what You will, You are the Author and Perfecter of my faith.
It disturbs me to see my own unfaithfulness and inconsistency disturb the work of change in me.
I do that which I do not want to do, and I do not do what I want to do. Flesh opposes the spirit.
Make me dead to myself, and alive in You. So I may find myself in You.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
I live for You, all of my days
belong to You
You draw me to Your tenderness
You make me new
Into the secret place I will run
Where my heart can be free
in the place that I'm found
Unto You
Be all glory and praise
How my heart seeks Your face
as I'm waiting on You
Only You
are my Strength and my Tower
fill my life with You power
as I stand here in awe of You
I stand here in awe of You
Waiting, waiting
I am waiting
I will wait upon You.
Teach my heart to
listen to
wait upon You.
Teach my heart to
trust to
wait upon You.
Teach my heart to
be still to
wait upon You.
belong to You
You draw me to Your tenderness
You make me new
Into the secret place I will run
Where my heart can be free
in the place that I'm found
Unto You
Be all glory and praise
How my heart seeks Your face
as I'm waiting on You
Only You
are my Strength and my Tower
fill my life with You power
as I stand here in awe of You
I stand here in awe of You
Waiting, waiting
I am waiting
I will wait upon You.
Teach my heart to
listen to
wait upon You.
Teach my heart to
trust to
wait upon You.
Teach my heart to
be still to
wait upon You.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Why I Heart P.J. (part 23)
Tis the final week of my 2 month long holiday *sobb*. And so I am going all out! And there's really no better place to bum around and entertain one's self than in P.J., the City of Entertainment.
Monday, I watched Wanted.
For those of you who are contemplating whether to watch or not watch, I say, if you liked Jumper and Hitman then you'd probably like Wanted a bit more than the other two. The action is quite good, entertainingly violent (not TOO much like Pathfinder) but the story, in my humble 2 sen worth of opinion, is pretty darn dumb. Not too impressive for an Angelina Jolie flick, but go watch anyway, so you won't be left out when your friends are talking about it.
Tuesday I watched The Incredible Hulk (TIH) (2).
(2) because if you remember, there was already one in 2003, so, I was wondering, why did they come out with another so soon?.
One from the company of my fellow TIH watchers say its because the earlier (not the 1978
one, the 2003 - Hulk - one) was a flop. I actually thought that was alright...I mean...ANYTHING with Eric Bana is alright in my books (except maybe Norbit, or Epic Movie) :D But I'd have to agree...this (2008) one's better. Not WAYY better, but better. I liked the end part :)
Today (is Wednesday) I watched Beauty and The Beast (The Musical, and UK version) with some special kids from the school.
I've watched Beauty and The Beast the katun so many times (throughout my lifetime) that I know the whole dialogue, I even went for Beauty and The Beast, Disney on Ice when I was a kid, and got the mirror. This one's a bit different though...they put in some of their own songs, and they're very UK. But it was alright, and I enjoyed being with the kids.
I also heart PJ (call me shallow and materialistic lah) for the shopping malls. Seriously, P.J. is the best place to be when Malaysia goes on Mega Sale.
Four days left, P.J. my love, then its back to Bangi.
p/s: mng's end of season sale is pretty awesome this time round!
Monday, I watched Wanted.
For those of you who are contemplating whether to watch or not watch, I say, if you liked Jumper and Hitman then you'd probably like Wanted a bit more than the other two. The action is quite good, entertainingly violent (not TOO much like Pathfinder) but the story, in my humble 2 sen worth of opinion, is pretty darn dumb. Not too impressive for an Angelina Jolie flick, but go watch anyway, so you won't be left out when your friends are talking about it.
Tuesday I watched The Incredible Hulk (TIH) (2).
(2) because if you remember, there was already one in 2003, so, I was wondering, why did they come out with another so soon?.
One from the company of my fellow TIH watchers say its because the earlier (not the 1978
one, the 2003 - Hulk - one) was a flop. I actually thought that was alright...I mean...ANYTHING with Eric Bana is alright in my books (except maybe Norbit, or Epic Movie) :D But I'd have to agree...this (2008) one's better. Not WAYY better, but better. I liked the end part :)
Today (is Wednesday) I watched Beauty and The Beast (The Musical, and UK version) with some special kids from the school.
I've watched Beauty and The Beast the katun so many times (throughout my lifetime) that I know the whole dialogue, I even went for Beauty and The Beast, Disney on Ice when I was a kid, and got the mirror. This one's a bit different though...they put in some of their own songs, and they're very UK. But it was alright, and I enjoyed being with the kids.
I also heart PJ (call me shallow and materialistic lah) for the shopping malls. Seriously, P.J. is the best place to be when Malaysia goes on Mega Sale.
Four days left, P.J. my love, then its back to Bangi.
p/s: mng's end of season sale is pretty awesome this time round!
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
My morning escapade
I woke up at 8 (A.M. ok) to go to NECF to pass a set of keys to Ps. Ann which i accidentally took.
Now, those who know me would know that i'm not exactly the perkiest person in the morning. Especially after only 4 hours of sleep last night (i have no one to blame for that except myself and Bill Watterson), waking up at EIGHT this morning was one of those 'wrestling' mornings for me (me wrestling with the morning). Papa drove me to NECF because he said i was too groggy to drive. He was in one of his moods again.
But this is the ultimatum:
We reach NECF, and Ps. Ann wasn't there yet. So being the nice, kind, helpful, kay-po that i am...i thought i'd open the office for her.
I open the door with the key and the alarm goes off.
Ps. Ann arrived a good 15, excruciating minutes later.
Sigh. These things only happen to me.
Ahh well...a few good things about being up this early are i get to eat toast, and watching the lakeland live revival, live. Those with cancer are healed, the lame walk, the blind see, the deaf hear, people are being saved and healed everywhere, not just there but people catch the fire and bring it to their churches, to malls, restaurants...there are even testimonies of those declared dead being raised to life!
All glory to God!!
"There's something like a revival happening around here"
Its so amazing, please go watch. You can use my account:
Username : envyno
Password : psalm91
LORD, send revival to Malaysia!
Now, those who know me would know that i'm not exactly the perkiest person in the morning. Especially after only 4 hours of sleep last night (i have no one to blame for that except myself and Bill Watterson), waking up at EIGHT this morning was one of those 'wrestling' mornings for me (me wrestling with the morning). Papa drove me to NECF because he said i was too groggy to drive. He was in one of his moods again.
But this is the ultimatum:
We reach NECF, and Ps. Ann wasn't there yet. So being the nice, kind, helpful, kay-po that i am...i thought i'd open the office for her.
I open the door with the key and the alarm goes off.
Ps. Ann arrived a good 15, excruciating minutes later.
Sigh. These things only happen to me.
Ahh well...a few good things about being up this early are i get to eat toast, and watching the lakeland live revival, live. Those with cancer are healed, the lame walk, the blind see, the deaf hear, people are being saved and healed everywhere, not just there but people catch the fire and bring it to their churches, to malls, restaurants...there are even testimonies of those declared dead being raised to life!
All glory to God!!
"There's something like a revival happening around here"
Its so amazing, please go watch. You can use my account:
Username : envyno
Password : psalm91
LORD, send revival to Malaysia!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
"'When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars which You have set in place, what is man that You are mindful of him?' asked the psalmist.
An excellent question, as well as a reminder to a point of view I easily forget. We are, we humans, a mere pinch of dust scattered across the surface of a nondescript planet. At the heart of all reality is God, an unimaginable source of both power and love. In the face of such reality we can grovel in humanoid humility or we can, like the psalmist, look up instead of down, to conclude,
'O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is Your Name in all the earth!' "
Philip Yancey, Prayer
Monday, June 23, 2008
influenc-ing/es
Influence '08 was a conference for young adults, the just-started-working, and the going-to-work-soon batch, the same generation what went for Parousia 2000 and Parousia 2001. (yea, so why not call it "Parousia : all grown up"?...well, thats just my opinion, i'm not very original :) )
But strangely, i didn't recognize many people there from the former Parousia conferences (not that i knew everyone at the former Parousia conferences also la)
Anyhoos...it was a very good conference, and i would go next year should there be another. I especially liked the speakers Micheal Tang (because he looks like Gandalf-Gandalf is from LOTR, Lisa, not Harry Potter!) and Benny Ng (even though he's from Singapore, no offense to Singaporeans :))
Micheal (cehh...like i know him, haha) said "Consistency is the key to successful branding". See? CONSISTENCY.
What is our brand as Christians?
"...they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.." (Rev12:11)
"...but the fruits of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law" (Gal 5:22-23)
"By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another" (John 13:15)
I think to echo what the apostle Paul wrote to Timothy would be to sum what was shared throughout the conference (at least what i gathered la)
"Command those who are rich in this present age not to be haughty, nor to trust in uncertain riches but in the living God, who gives us richly all things to enjoy." (1 Tim 6:17)
~To not store up for ourselves temporary things, things that 'moth and rust can destroy'-things the world offers, but to store for ourselves treasures in heaven, where 'moth and rust cannot destroy', our eternal inheritance as children of the Living God, Who provides all things for us on earth and for eternity.
*smiles all round*
One Thing - Hillsongs
One thing I desire
One thing I seek
To gaze upon Your beauty
And Your majesty
God of my salvation
Lifter of my head
Teach me how to live oh Lord
In Your righteousness
So I pray to You
So I pray to You
Lord Your name
Is higher than the heavens
Lord Your name
Is higher than all created things
Higher than hope
Higher than dreams
The name of the Lord
In the day of trouble
You cover me
In the secret place of refuge
Lord I will sing
I will seek Your face
Call upon Your name Jesus
All I want is You
Jesus
Saturday, June 21, 2008
A little bit of influence
Its 3.51 a.m. I blog very often these days, don't i?
Yesterday was our second twenties bible-study-gathering-meeting at Yim's. It was such a good time of just...being with peers and discussing things that really matter in life, like God, and our relationship with Him.
It was good, because so often we talk alot of nonsense (i know thats bad grammar...its late la). Like Mark says "its pretty amazing how we can sit at mamak for 3 hours and talk about shit". He wasn't being vulgar, we really have sat at mamak for 3 hours talking about shit. haha. yea i know, wow.
So yesterday we discussed busy-ness (not business...hahaha). And it really was a very good discussion. Kudos, Hats Off! to Lisa for initiating this.
The discussion also made me realize, that i'm not really very busy...in fact (we had to scale our busy-ness level at this point from one to ten) and to be honest with myself, i had to give myself a 1.5.
Today was Influence Conference night one at GTPJ. (tomorrow will be Day 2, starting 8 a.m., gosh i hope i can wake up!). Today's talk was good, On God's concept of success, or something like that. Benny Ong (he was the speaker tonight) is a 62 year old, 5'7 man who doesn't look 62 at all.
His secret? Prayer and exercise, my friends. Prayer and exercise.
Before i blogger off, I would like to say...a big congrats to all my peeps out there who applied for and got into local uni. This is the time of your lives. Woo Hoo!
G'nite chickies.
Yesterday was our second twenties bible-study-gathering-meeting at Yim's. It was such a good time of just...being with peers and discussing things that really matter in life, like God, and our relationship with Him.
It was good, because so often we talk alot of nonsense (i know thats bad grammar...its late la). Like Mark says "its pretty amazing how we can sit at mamak for 3 hours and talk about shit". He wasn't being vulgar, we really have sat at mamak for 3 hours talking about shit. haha. yea i know, wow.
So yesterday we discussed busy-ness (not business...hahaha). And it really was a very good discussion. Kudos, Hats Off! to Lisa for initiating this.
The discussion also made me realize, that i'm not really very busy...in fact (we had to scale our busy-ness level at this point from one to ten) and to be honest with myself, i had to give myself a 1.5.
Today was Influence Conference night one at GTPJ. (tomorrow will be Day 2, starting 8 a.m., gosh i hope i can wake up!). Today's talk was good, On God's concept of success, or something like that. Benny Ong (he was the speaker tonight) is a 62 year old, 5'7 man who doesn't look 62 at all.
His secret? Prayer and exercise, my friends. Prayer and exercise.
Before i blogger off, I would like to say...a big congrats to all my peeps out there who applied for and got into local uni. This is the time of your lives. Woo Hoo!
G'nite chickies.
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